Good evening,

more than a week has passed that I have been allowed to enjoy my “freedom” again… to officially open my door and take more than six steps into the “world outside”! Yaaay! Lots of things have happened since I last wrote…

Good things… as well as bad ones… but: I’m trying to stay as positive as I can. Really! I really do!

Well… does not always work…

But, I can only say it over and over and over again! Doing my best here to be normal, one of you! You have read my blog so far. You know that I am “sick”. Just a fact. But – how do you say that? I try to keep my head held high… something like that…

Let’s start with telling you about today. I’ve visited some of my friends today!

Victor wrote me an app couple of days ago:

V: “How are you?”

GWGWS: “Fine, thanks, how are you?”

V: “Fine, I’m just starting to miss my social life…”

GWGWS: “Well, there is a very simple solution to that! Let’s meet up with Johan and Josje!”

Nice, ain’t it?

So, you know? Come sunday I’m gonna have my very first Dutch “Sinterklaas”! With three other very nice guys! I’m really looking forward to it!

Very curious about it! Never did that before. A real Dutch “holiday”. We’re gonna give presents to each other – they have to be cheaper than five Euros. And a self written poem. Plus a surprise, which is kinda an individualized wrapping that has something to do with your gift. We let chances decide who’s gonna be gifting whom… That was fun. It took us about an hour because one of us was always getting their own name… You know what I mean? It was kinda a raffle…

So what’s new after my isolation? How am I doing?

Went back to work saturday. It was great! So cool to be around other human beings again! See my colleagues. Go outside. Sun, wind and whatever. Making juices and smoothies. Press some oranges, just keep busy in my pretty pink bubble.

Until the doors went open – at work that is – as you all know by now: I am one of those very “asocial” human beings that cannot put on a mask.

So… just before the doors opened… I was there in my very beautiful pink bubble, making smoothies and juices… I was in the flow!

And then… my manager came to me and asked: “Do you have a mask with you?”

Yes. There it was again… That moment… again. That I had to explain that I’m not normal. That I’m not one of them… That I’m different… I am one of those that can not put on a mask – even if I wanted to.

And again this evening… remember? I sat there with some friends. Just relaxing and talking. And well, yes, the topic came up again… and again the question: “But, Luisa? Why can’t you wear a mask?”

You know? Honestly? I really don’t know! Why can’t I? It’s obvioulsy not so difficult! Why, oh why on earth can’t I? I wanna do it! I wanna be one of you! Let me be one of you, I beg you with every fiber of my being! Just put one on and be done with it! Why does my whole body rebel against it? Why does it shake and why can’t I breathe? Why do I cry uncontrollably? Why does it not stop?

And why am I not even able to talk to someone with a mask on? Why do I start panicking? Where do those tears come from and those body spasms? Whenever one of the masked ones only tries to talk to me!

Well… I do hope that I can keep my job… cause putting on a mask? No, sorry, but no.

Ha! I had a panick attack at work. Not going to go into that. But I have to thank Robin and Bert. You are great! Thank you so much. You don’t know how much it means to me… your understanding and acceptance… Just telling me that I am O.K. That I’m not strange and weird…

See y’all later

the Girl With Goat Wool Socks