11:47 a.m. (55 hours to go)
Hé? Darn it darn it darn it! Thursday? No way! It was wednesday, wasn’t it? Last day of isolation?
Went into the c*** monday, 06.30 p.m. So, that was day one… oooooh! I get it! I wrote it down wrong here! Phew! No worries!
My world is getting smaller and smaller and my mood is getting worse. I’m on the brink!
Mood: 2 Desperation: 0 Frustration: 8
Thinking about just turning off that cell phone again. Way too many people trying to cheer me up. And, let me tell you again. It’s not that I have nothing do to. There is so much to be done!
It’s just…. I got no energy left! Even writing this blog is asking too much of me! All I wanna do right now is just sleep, sleep, sleep. Slept 14 hours straight again this night.
So nice to just pull that blanket up above my head to blank out the “bad bad world outside”. Earplugs in, eyes closed – no see, no hear, no nothing… wish no feel, too. And no think… but well… that ain’t that easy… except when I’m asleep… so that’s why I try to sleep as much as I can.
That’s when time passes quickly…
See y’all soon.
Just thinking – I wanna record some stuff for the musical. Don’t think that it’s gonna happen because of all the noise upstairs, outside, downstairs, left right… oh, just everywhere!
I’m gonna do it anyway! But first… let’s have some orangestrawberryjuice and a cigarette! Yes! Haven’t had coffee for couple of days! Come to think of it… maybe I will have coffee in a sec? Hihi
Did I tell you? The characters are back! I wondered where they went. It was so quiet. Just Leo and Anna sitting on my couch babbling away… the rest of them was just gone….
Till I found the car! There they were! Waitin for me to find them! Now life has returned to my… head… welcome back, sweetys! I was really starting to miss all of you!
Maybe I should do another fun story like this one:
Road Trip with Lily:
See y’all later!
02:29 p.m. (52 freaking hours to go)
GDMit people! Quit it! I know how long I am gonna be locked up here! I am just so mad! Leave me alone!
Just c’mon! Lock yourselves up for freaking ten days! For nothing! Why don’t we let everyone do it? Then all this BS is gonna end!
So what? People commiting suicide and killing each other?
Yeah, you get it now? Yes! I am freaking mad!
Humor: 0 Desperation: 0 Frustration: 100
Honestly? I don’t even want to go outside anymore! Really! Live amongst all those sheep? Bleeeeeh, let’s someone else take care of it… bleeeeeeh, I love my green spot of grass… bleeeeeeeeee, that sheep looks strange… bleeeeeh, let’s keep away from it!
But from wednesday on I get to choose whether I go outside or not.
And, hello?: I have been locked up for freaking 190 hours! DID YOU FORGET THAT? Ffing H!
“C’mon Luisa, it’s only 52 hours to go! Don’t be such a wuss! Get a grip!”
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!
03:40 p.m. (better not counting down anymore)
That helped! Johan just dropped by with groceries for me and yes! He left them on my bench outside.
First appointment for wedensday 06.30 pm. Yaaaay!
Plus, those 50 hours I yet have to do I can just sleep through like at least 24 of them! Then it’s gonna be 26 to go! And if I wanted I could make at least 30 hours of sleep! I can do it! I’ll just go to bed right now and sleep till 02.00 p.m. tomorrow. And then again on wednesday!
Hey, talking about positive thinking here!
See y’all later!
Mood: 0 Desperation: 10 Frustration: 2.999.999.999
Frustration level rising up and beyond…
Did anyone get what I am talking about here?
Why I am doing this crap?
I really don’t think so! It’s not about me! Hello?
I give up… just go ahead and live your pretty little lives just as you wanna! Just like innocent little sheep that don’t know what the f*** is happening around them. I won’t bother anymore!
No, I am not going to mention that there is an illness going around. I am not going to mention what the media is doing to you. I am not going to mention what you let others do to you! And I am not going to mention that it is time to wake up! And I am especially not going to mention what is going to happen to me after finishing another isolation!
Seriously, guys? Is there anyone left that thinks that after those 240 days of isolation I just did – that I can go back and live in freedom?
How stupid can you be?
I am not talking about the dangers or whether or not the rules are good or bad – no way! If you think that you should really read my blog again!
Wake up, people! One of my friends said: There is a philosopher or whatever that said: If you can save just one person with the precautions you are taking they worth doing.
Why not turn it around? What have all those precautions and rules done? They have damaged more than one person! Why can you not see this? Why are we the evil doers?
Writing this I know that it is time to end my journal. There is obviously no one that understands what I am doing here.
But let me tell you this: Don’t come knocking at my door when you feel desperate! Don’t come crying cause you need help! Don’t come complaining to me cause you feel lonely or isolated or because you think that you have been treated badly!
I am DONE with human kind! I lost my believe (yes, I am using this on purpose) in all of you!
Because all you have done again in my hours of isolation is making me see that I am different once more! That I am not one of you! That I should just sit this one out again and then everything will be fine again.
You think so? I don’t! I think that you are wrong and stupid! And I am very, very glad that I am not one of you!
All that is left for me to say are the words of my favorite writer:
Just a few things before I stop this diary for good!
Those are my thoughts:
- I asked people for help – there are three that pulled me through… better three than none, right?
- Those three amazing people knew that they were not able to help me, but they did try!
- If I told you that my gasoven sounds very inviting right now… would you think that it’s a threat? That I only say it to get attention?
- Right now, my gasoven is my very best friend in the world
- Right now, alcohol is my very best friend.
- What’s gonna happen to me after isolation is over? I don’t dare to think about it…
- The world has changed completely and there seems to be no one to notice it.
- Most people around me think that I’m one of those “doom-scenario-thinkers”. That I’m an aluminum-hat girl… well, I prefer goat wool socks…
- Right now I have the feeling that non of my friends take me serious. You think not? Look at what I have posted so far. And if there is only one statement that makes you think: “C’mon girl, don’t take it so seriously…” then I will rest my case.
- I feel abandoned.
- I feel lonely…
May you live in interesting times…